Mukashi, Mukashi
by xMing Yue
Summary: Rosa Gigantea dreams of the past.


Hah, this weekend while everyone else was reading that horrible Potter series, I received by mail my cousin's copy of _Ibara no Mori_ as well as the other Marimite novels. I've already seen the anime so I went straight to _Ibara no Mori_ because of my fanfic that you are now reading. Despite it being a relatively short novel—Japanese being my third and weakest by far language—it was a really challenging read for me. I actually had to e-mail one of my cousins to have him translate some of the paragraphs for me. But all it all it was worth it. The novel was really powerful and moving. I went back to my two hour fanfiction that I wrote a few weeks back and added/subtract a few things. And this is what you now see.

It's actually rather funny that seeing that I'm the one that wrote this. Unlike everyone that has ever watched/read Marimite, my favorite character is not Satou Sei but Eriko. Why? I have no idea. That and I don't really like Sei x Youko though I have nothing aganist it.

Also those who are wondering about my other fanfiction, do not worry! It's in the works and I guarantee the next chapter it will be done before next week. Again, this is done without a beta-reader or whatever they are called. If anyone could help me, it would be appreciated kindly.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights of Maria-sama ga Miteru and I wouldn't even dream of owning it. Konno Oyuki is a brilliant writer and I bow to her superiour 1337 skills.

Oh and I think this sounds best when it is read outloud.

**Mukashi, Mukashi**

Once upon a time…

_If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. _(William Blake)

If I close my eyes…even just the slightest bit, I can imagine her. Every little detail that makes her who she is to me. You would think it would be harder…but the thing is it isn't. Not at all.

I can still picture her, my fountain of moisture; she who I grabbed onto so tightly as if she was my link to this dismal world. In many ways she was…yes…at that time where I felt alien and simply out of place in this world—where my face was foreign with its frown, my voice silent among the sea of pleasant smiles and "Gokigenyou"—she, Shiori, was the one who held my entire attention since the moment we met.

-----------------

"Rosa Gigantea!" I heard someone exclaim cutely.

I must have set my head down for too long. Bringing my head up, I yawned loudly, something that would definitely be looked down upon by the others—although everyone, the Roses at least, knew better than to expect anything less of me. I stretched my arms—another unladylike gesture that I knew someone in the room would be bothered by; I grinned lazily.

"Did I miss something?"

That prim and proper voice would likely scold me, despite or do I say, in spite of the fact that I was her senpai. Or perhaps it would be Youko who would look past my actions and simple inform me on what I had missed.

Instead, they ignored my antics and continued the announcements. Out of the corner of my eye I could spot Eriko staring out into nothingness, her eyes were unfocused. A look of sheer boredom was on her face as usual. I envy her sometimes, being able to easily accomplish anything. That way no one could tell difference if…

Somehow my head sank down to meet the table again.

-----------------

Closing my eyes…yes, I can see her. So vividly so...so—it is as if was only a moment, a second ago that she had left me—so vividly do I see every aspect of her face it was as if I was reliving the moments that we spent together.

If I open my eyes…would you be there…smiling at me, Shiori?

What had not killed me had made me stronger. Looking back, now with an objective eye, I wonder what we had together was love. Was it love or were we just clinging dearly to each other, fearing what was beyond the next burning, unforgiving horizon; a rising sun that would burn its scalding light into our already parched, confounded souls?

Everything spins around me now like a moving, black-and-white picture. I stand in the back, watching, wondering as my life plays onscreen what and how things came to be.

That long haired me…the one that made their hand into the shape of a gun and pretended to shoot Maria-sama and then run away laughing inside my head still existed, resides within me.

"Amen Amen Amen…" oh why, oh why?

It scared me how well the principal saw me as what I was and how deep my relationship was with Shiori really was.

Me…the long haired me who saw the world in a jaded light, the one who thought thoughts that was supposedly forbidden, the one that didn't believe in anything. At that time I laughed at my parents who raised me poorly; I hated my classmates in their mass of black, nicely kept, pleated dresses and polite faces. I despised crowds and gatherings and only showed up at a few to save my Oneesama's reputation.

Mukashi, mukashi…it was strange how the past feels so apart from me, like it was if I was now reading one of those paperback novels I always use to read. Yet the past is still part of my memory.

"It was probably for the best," I thought to myself for the 1000th time. As I continued on this train of thought, I followed the path that I had invoked.

"If we had run away together, I am now sure that it would have led to an unhappy ending. There was no way that it could have been avoided," I assured in my thoughts.

Still Shiori…I should have gotten more sleep last night. Couldn't help it though, the one cashier at that convenience store who only worked late at night…if I wasn't so tired I probably wouldn't be practically drooling on table right now.

The talking stopped, I noticed. One by one I heard the shifting of skirts, indicators that their owners were standing up. I pondered if I should do the same, or at least bring my head up.

I felt a gently tap on my shoulder. It probably was Shimako. Everyone would likely just leave, dismissing my black sheep antics. Youko would probably be there, waiting for me to face her. She was so motherly like that—always wondering for the good of the future.

I've decided, or rather I had already decided how to live my life. That sullen, anti-social person still haunts me yet her thoughts only can sway me a little. Still…

I was sure just about everyone had left. Raising my head again, I met expecting gray eyes.

"Oi Youko. You'll give me the notes right?"

She merely smiled that smile of hers. I stood up.

"Did you have a nice dream?"

I responded with my trademark grin; the one that had been around for as long as my hair had been short.

"Hai. It started out with a 'mukashi, mukashi'."

When I close my eyes, I can still see her, shining with all the things that I lacked, desired. Satou Sei wonders whether or not it is a positive thing.

Who knows.

But I've decided to live my life. That is something that I remind myself of everyday.

_...owari_


End file.
